Unrelenting Love

Serving at a PRC has had an incredible impact on me. Initially, I thought I would volunteer and allow God to use me to be a blessing and an instrument of His unrelenting love to women in need. I wanted to learn to love women who's lives weren't neat and pretty. I wanted to learn to love women who were as Gomer in the book of Hosea. I wanted to cast off all judgement and in this kind of unrelenting love, reach out to them in the Spirit of Christ.

While this has been the case by the grace of God working in my life, something else has occured. I have become the recipient of His unrelenting love. The word unrelent means to be determined and unyielding. It means not weakening or easing up or diminishing in strength. Synonyms include insistent, pounding, indefatigable, and inexorable. Indefatigable! That means God never tires to love me. Inexorable! That means His love for me is unstoppable or adamant!

Why would God illuminate my soul to understand in a deeper way His love for me when I am thinking it's not about me...it's about God loving these women through me. Who knew? Of course God would take this course of action. Of course He would reveal His unrelenting love to me. Why? First of all, because the very nature of my heart is just like the women who come into the center. And even though I am indeed a new creature in Christ, the fleshly nature in my heart has not been totally sanctified. God's love for me, the Christian who is working out her salvation and not yet sanctified is indeed unrelenting.

When I see things in my heart that aren't neat and pretty, it affords an opportunity to ask the question, "Wow, what's that all about? You are a Christian, why do you see that impatience, that anxiety, that apathy, or unbelief, etc. in your heart?" And then, you experience that unrelenting love of God for you in that condition! He does not give up or cave in or change His mind or lesson His affection because I am not yet fully sanctified. Rather, He reveals it all the more. Romans 5:8 says, "God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." And thus it is this way all through our Christian pilgrimage. Before we began our journey, He loves. At the beginning of our journey, He loves. In the middle of our journey He loves. And, at the very end of our journey, He loves. Like waves His love comes and washes over our soul. As waves, it intesifies as the journey continues. And we come to that place where we are able to comprehend the very breadth, length, height and depth of the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge and brings us to a place of the filling up to all the fulness of God! This is the prayer found in Ephesians chapter 3. This filling of unrelenting love experienced and known by one can have a powerful overflow to others. This is how we learn to love others. This is how I am learning to love the woman who comes to the center, who has multiple sleeping partners, who has had several abortions, who carries sexual disease, who doesn't work, who drinks and does drugs, and is extremely self-centered. This is how I love her. God's waves of unrelenting love crashing over my unsanctified soul never to become less intense because I am still a work in progress. And this is how I love my God. "I love Him, because He first loved me," I John 4:19.

The words of the following song are now my heart's own melody:

You won't relent until you have it all, My heart is Yours
You won't relent until you have it all, My heart is Yours
I'll set You as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm
For there is love as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love
Come be the fire inside of me, Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me, until You and I are one

Then I will truly love like Jesus loved.

Two Words - Regret and Guilt

As I reviewed the new client's initial paperwork I saw she had already had four abortions. "This could be a tough one," I thought. Quietly in my mind I prayed, "Oh Lord, please help me show her the truth." She had two children and she was only 25 years of age. Then I read two words that gave me hope. "Regret." "Guilt." These were the feelings this client wrote down on the section that asked if any residual emotional effects ensued after an abortive procedure. There was hope and through the valley of Baca, this woman could find the blessing of grace and mercy through Jesus Christ. I headed into one of the counseling rooms with her determined to share the gospel of Jesus Christ.

We walked out of the counseling room 45 minutes later. I shared with her the options before her - to parent, to place for adoption, or to abort and add to her regret and guilt. I discussed the support she could receive through the services of our prolife center and the place of healing and peace that was possible. She listened. She had questions. She didn't know what to do. She was confused and scared. She cried. And I, well I was overcome by the love of God towards her. His compassion, His mercy, His grace seemed to fill my spirit and it poured out as I shared the gospel with her.

There is hope. She agreed to come back for an ultrasound. Her baby will be ten weeks. He will have a perfect little body with every part formed, just very tiny. I pray that he will put on the best audition for his life that he could ever display for his mom. Perhaps today God used me to save a baby. Perhaps today God used me to save a soul. "Regret." "Guilt." May they be replaced with "Forgiven" and "Saved."

Audition for Adoption

A client came in this week and she was already 11 weeks pregnant. She was scared and nervous and came to the center with the father of the baby. She was in her early twenty's and worked as a cashier in a fast food restaurant. She said that the father of the baby was very mad at her for being pregnant. She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to do but she did say she didn't want to have another abortion. She had an abortion a few years earlier where she experienced excessive bleeding and ended up being hospitalized. She said it was very scary. She said she could never go through that again.

Though she seemed set on not pursuing an abortion, the angry father of the baby did present a potential problem to pressure his girlfriend to end the baby's life. She agreed to an ultrasound, but said she didn't want the father of the baby in the room. We were sensitive to her request but did suggest that if her boyfriend did see his baby on the ultrasound screen, he might have a change of heart. She still did not want him in the room.

As the client saw her baby, she seemed to become less scared and nervous. She began to ask some questions about adoption. As I performed the scan, I realized that this baby was given the chance to audition for the possibility of being placed for adoption.

Adoption is one of three options available to the woman with an uplanned pregnancy. While adoption is a very positive life-giving option and a great solution to a tough situation it is not so for women in crisis. For her, adoption is usually seen as the worst possible option. In fact, one study showed that adoption was seen as the most "evil" of the three options - parenting, abortion or adoption. After the scan was over and as we wrapped up our time with her, she took the adoption agency referral from us. While we like to set up meetings with the client considering adoption with the agency before she leaves our center, she preferred to make the call herself. As she left the center, we knew this client was going to need much prayer and follow up. You just never know what may be decided after clients leave the Pregancy Resource Center. One thing we do know after performing an ultrasound - this client saw her baby moving about in her womb with a heartbeat that was undeniably present. And she left the center not only with those memories, but with a couple of printed out pictures of her 11 week baby and a video tape of her baby auditioning for his life! This baby's chance at life was now increased. My hope is that she will show the baby's father these things and that those images of his own child would be used in a powerful way to soften his heart towards life!

How do you know he loves you?

We didn't have any ultrasounds scheduled the day I went to the center this past week. But as always, there were clients who came for other needs. A nineteen year old came in with the hope that she would find out she'd be pregnant. She actually was hoping to be pregnant even though she felt like she wasn't ready for something like this. Her boyfriend of 2 months wanted her to get a pregnancy test because she was "having symptoms." She said if she found out she was pregnant she would keep the baby because she felt abortion was wrong. Okay, that was good to hear. The next question I asked was, "If you're test is positive, does the father of the baby think abortion is wrong too or will you be pressured into a choice you believe is wrong?" She was eager to let me know that he loves her and that he would want the baby too. "How do you know he loves you?" I asked. "Oh, I just think he does," was her response.

While I counseled with her in one of the counseling rooms, her boyfriend waited in the waiting area. Unbeknownst to me one of the other volunteers began a conversation with him and found out he was not ready for another kid. He already had two kids, but never sees them. He was hoping for a negative test.

I was able to talk to her about the human's heart need for love. We all want to be loved and sometimes we will make choices and decisions without thinking about the consequences that may follow if we think it will bring us love. I talked about the God-shaped hole in the human heart and how we try and fill it with many things - a relationship, a baby, drugs, alcohol, money, sex. But yet none of these will ever satisfy our need for love until we fill it with Jesus Christ. After I shared the gospel with her, I asked her if she wanted to pray to receive Jesus into her life. She said her mom talked to her about God all the time too. I said, "Now that's love. Your mom must really love you. She wants your heart to be filled with Christ." Unfortunately, she did not pray with me to accept Christ. Fortunately, her pregnancy test was negative. I encouraged her to save sex for the day she may marry. I was able to tell her that if her boyfriend truly loves her then he would understand and wait. She would then really know he loved her.

God blesses those who honor His Word. Sex was created by God for a married man and woman. In those bounds and with Christ at the center, blessings overflow and love is truly understood and known in the covenant of marriage.

I don't know what this nineteen year old will do. I do pray she thinks about the things I was able to share with her.

Practical help for mothers in need

One of the many free services that is offered at the Pregnancy Resource Center is the opportunity to go through a parenting class. This is just one of the many classes that is offered to help equip women in the role as a mother. This past week I met with a young mother who was going through a very difficult time. She had been encouraged to get some help with her parenting and was referred to our center.

I was able to meet with her and go over the first two lessons in a book we use with the clients we see. The awesome thing about this parenting material is that it is full of God's Word. At the close of our time I was able to share a very clear gospel message with her. I asked her if she would like to pray to accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. I told her that if she wanted some time to think on the things I shared about Jesus that was okay. I encouraged her that she could also pray at home if she wanted to ask Christ into her life. She said she wanted some time to think about it.

At one point I clearly sensed God's Spirit fill me. It happened when I began to quote John 3:16 to her. She was giving me direct eye contact and I really sensed that God was drawing her through His Spirit. I do hope she will pray to receive Christ and that next week when she comes back for another class I will hear that she is a new creation!

Being a mother is probably one of the hardest jobs in the world. I was fortunate enough to enter into motherhood knowing Jesus. I cannot imagine trying to be a mom without Him in my life. He has made all the difference in how I mother and offering the gospel invitation to the women who come to the center is truly the best way to help them.

"How big is my baby at 12 weeks?"

This is a question I received today after performing an ultrasound on a single young woman. I was happy to show her the tiny plastic baby models that show actual sizes of what a baby looks like at 7 weeks, 8 weeks, 9 weeks, 10 weeks and 12 weeks in the womb. As she took the 12 week old plastic baby model in her hands she had a look of amazement on her face. "Your baby is about 3 inches in length and weighs about 2 ounces," I told her. "Your baby is able to swallow and can also feel at this time." My client looked at me and said, "That's just incredible."

Yes, it is - quite incredible! While this client had every intention to keep her baby, the realization that there are other women everyday choosing a different option that takes away life is so difficult to comprehend. I am so fortunate to see on a weekly basis that a viable living being is what is at stake when one contemplates abortion. It is not a mass of unidentifiable tissue. No, there are facial features, arms that bring a tiny little hand to a mouth and legs that kick about. There are the small little bones of fingers and a perfectly shaped spine. There is a the quick paced flutter of a heart that beats anywhere between 120 - 180 beats per minute. There is life, yes, human life.

Psalm 139 speaks of God the Creator forming and weaving the inward parts of a human while in their mother's womb. As the Psalmist testifies of this great truth, he cannot but break forth in thanksgiving exclaiming how he was fearfully and wonderfully made. That 12 week old baby I saw today was God's handiwork too and like the Psalmist, I too, can't help but exclaim how wonderful are God's works!

A New Ministry Beginning...

Many years ago, I believed the Lord wanted to involve my life in a greater capacity in prolife ministry. As a busy Pastor's wife and home schooling mother of four children, I had to wait for the right timing. In the summer of 2008, the doors opened for me to get involved with a local pregnancy resource center after receiving six weeks of training. The center offers free pregancy testing, ultrasounds, counseling and various resource classes to women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. My volunteer position as a client advocate allows me many opportnities to serve women of all walks of life and faith. Probably the greatest blessing and surprise to me is how much love the Lord has given me for these women. I have been overwhelmed by His love for them and His desire for them to make right choices.

In April of 2009, thanks to the support of many friends and family I was able to attend a week long training in limited ultrasound obstetrics put on by Alliance for Life in Springfield, Missouri. There I received both classroom and clinical time and by the end of the week had performed 25 ultrasounds on pregnant women. It was one amazing week!

Currently, I am performing ultrasounds at a local Pregnancy Resource Center in Missouri on Tuesday afternoons. I need to do 50 supervised ultrasounds which are then signed off by the center's Medical Director before I can do them on my own. I am so happy to say that I am well on my way and soon this will be a reality because of the many who partnered with me in this cause for life. I could not believe how much support came in! I am very grateful. I had more than enough to complete the ultrasound training so the rest of the donations went to another prolife ministry called Ultrasounds For Life. The Director recently emailed and said, “I will be participating in a pro-life conference in Durban, South Africa where we are donating two ultrasound machines. The funds from your church and some others, will make it possible for all this to happen. Your assisting Ultrasounds For Life with this international effort is greatly appreciated.” Wow! God is going to use ultrasound machines all over the globe to save the lives of the unborn!

A couple of weeks ago at the center, a woman came in who had had several previous abortions. She said she never wanted to have children. She also said she had never been affected either emotionally or physically from her previous abortions. She had never had an ultrasound so another volunteer and I asked her if she would like to have one done. She was willing and was able to see her 12 week old baby moving about, auditioning for his very life. I cannot describe to you the look on her face. Clearly her countenance revealed much joy, yet underneath there appeared to be a look of shock and alarm. Would this woman now begin to face the reality of her previous choices? I was able to share with her that the same God who creates life, is the same God that offers forgiveness through His Son, Jesus Christ. There in that little ultrasound room, the love of God poured through my heart to this woman who was truly in crisis and confusion. God’s love is unconditional. Because God so loved the world He gave His only Son and while we were yet sinners, His Son, Jesus Christ died for us. Amazing grace! Amazing love! It is truly hard to comprehend! This woman decided she was going to keep this baby! God was at work!

My hope in maintaining this Audition for Life blog site is to write about prolife issues and how God is using medical technology such as the ultrasound machine to help women choose life for their unborn children. May God use this blog for His glory!